Breakdown

I had the most pathetic breakdown tonight. Let me start by saying that I am a sappy, emotional mess these days. I miss my family back in Midland/Odessa so much. I really let it get me down when I shouldn't. Need to learn to move on, but that's for another blog another day.

Dylan went out with his friends tonight and I wanted to stay home and have a "me" night. I did my cardio and sat down, wrote my blog and then started watching some TV. I called Pita Pit, then called and cancelled my order and decided to eat the leftover pizza in the fridge. Mistake. Big Mistake. There was just one piece but I shouldn't have done it. This is what I do when I'm depressed, I eat my feelings. It really is a big problem. This summer when we first moved here and I was sad, I ate a whole cake by myself. Dylan and Sarah probably had one piece each but I ate the rest by myself. This is why I weighed 180 pounds this summer.

I then made myself a PB&J. With reduced fat PB and lowfat sugar free Jelly. I should have stopped there but I didn't. I wanted some McDonald's french fries. I battled myself with this for a few hours. Finally around 9:30 I went to Micky D's and ordered a medium fry and a small chocolate shake. As I type this I get a little sick with myself. Well when I went to pay, my card didn't work.

This is the pathetic part: I cried. I drove away and I cried. I just wanted some friggen fries. I called Dylan crying and I'm sure he thought I was a crazy person. Who cries because they couldn't get fries?

About 30 minutes later, 3 of my sweet sweet friends showed up at my door with fries. I would've cried if I hand't already been crying.

It was a sweet gesture that I will be punishing myself for tomorrow. Week 10 starts Monday and I am going to go harder than I ever have! Maybe even add 10 minutes more to my cardio.

Thanks for reading and encouraging me. It really does keep me going. Love, Alli